Last night while laying in bed I realised I am closer to 30 than 20 now. In the past ageing has absolutely terrified me, but since struggling with the concept of life (dark) and battling depression ageing no longer scares me. Things may not be "perfect" but for the first time in my life I am content. I've always been a very anxious person but the last year I've felt oddly calm. Like things are falling into place and I'm finally accepting who I am.
In homage to me finding my cool, I want to look at the things I would tell 18 year old Billie.
1) That even though I will nearly fail my first year of University. I will graduate 3 years later with a 2:1. I will not be a failure, a drop out. That my parents will be there and I will see my Mum & Dad the proudest they've ever been of me.
2) That even though all of my friends appeared to be blossoming way faster than me, I will succeed and be just as successful as them. Even though they like staying in working and I like partying (a little too much), I will get myself into gear and will catch up when I am ready.
3) That I will trust myself enough to start up my own business one day. That I will love spreadsheets and stock taking evenings. That I will love work so much I will work a full time job in London and will run my own business on the side. THAT I CAN DO THIS (and I will love every second).
4) That my anxiety does not define me as a person. I have anxiety, I am not anxiety. That painfully shy little girl will grow up to be someone confident, brave and in-control of her life, someone I am proud of. That my anxiety will teach me compassion and that is worth every "bad" day I have and more.
5) That Depression will come, but it will also always go. That I will go to the darkest places but I have a 100% success rate of coming out the other side. That I must not be scared because I will always be ok. That my love for design is my distraction and I must never give up on that. That my bad times will be what push me to succeed when I have my good times.
And lastly, that every thing really does fall into place (that my nan was right). That dwelling on the future is pointless. You can plan, but you can't worry about it because some things are out of our control.